Showing posts with label Dr. Bernhard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dr. Bernhard. Show all posts

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Chapter 4

Oak Ridge, TN – May 27th, 1983 – 9:15 PM

Sheer bliss. Summer was going to be sheer bliss. Jon had talked to both his friend John—and they just used their names when they talked to each other; nothing clever like Johnny Two or Mr. Miller, because they both knew who was which—and Megan, who had called him. She hadn’t exactly been in a good mood, and had done nothing but complain about her parents for an hour and a half, but she had been talking to him. For an hour and a half! During which, he had beaten his previous high score in Pitfall. The boy was hot tonight.



It was funny. The sort of sharing of miseries, of grousing about parents and general, implacable unhappiness of life, that Jon found so tiresome and even grueling from his sister was bearable, even kind of nice, from Megan. And, more and more, it had been Jon she had been calling to share her miseries with. Even if sometimes Megan could descend to a desolate bleakness that was far blacker than anything Stacey had ever cooked up, from Megan, it was a privilege. Even if, in the end, it meant he was the “friend” and Johnny Two, or some other eligible young buck, got the boyfriend position. Something was better than nothing, and it seemed harmless to let himself fantasize that maybe one day she could be sharing her misery in person while he consoled her, and as her voice trailed off and their heads slowly moved closer to each other, their lips almost touching . . .

On the television, Jon’s little Pitfall dude got stung by a scorpion and fell into a tar pit. All right, maybe he was getting too distracted thinking about Megan. But, it was time to move on to something else, anyway. Is was getting near ten, on the first official day of summer vacation, and he had barely scraped the surface of what he wanted to do with this immensely valuable time. Time to start programming. He had some ideas he wanted to play with, and wanted to make sure this summer ended in a finished program—he wanted to write an adventure game like Zork or Bedlam or one of the Scott Adams adventures, and he didn’t want to have to do it in BASIC. Maybe one day, he could do really cool video games like Pitfall. But he knew something that advanced was still a long way away for him. But a text adventure? He was up to it.



So, he disconnected the Atari 5200 from the old RCA television and hooked up his TRS-80 Color Computer, stuck in the Editor/Assembler cartridge, and got to work.

“Thanks for listening, Jon. You’re a really good guy,” she had said. How could that not lead to a kiss? Like, a French kiss. When a girl sounded that grateful, she’d put her tongue in your mouth, given half a chance. Jon was sure of it. If only she had been coming over tonight.

Jon shook his head. Yes, it wasn’t even the first official day of summer, but summer vacation was short and Megan wasn’t there to kiss or be kissed. He needed to focus. Flipping the manual open, he began work again on the second tutorial—generating a siren sound that changed pitch by which key on the keyboard was pressed.

It was just that she smelled so good. There had been long pauses in the phone conversation where Jon had just listened to her breathing, and he could almost smell her hair. Like flowers and water. Then she would start again, telling him about her parents, or her friends and school, or her own general depression, her voice low and deliberate, as if she were tasting the words as she said them. She could talk, sometimes, in this low, smoky voice—like everything she said was at once a seduction and a secret. It was wonderful to listen to.

“I just wish someone would take me out of here. I wish I could get out. You ever feel like that, Jon?”

“Sometimes. Not all the time. It’s better now that my sister moved to Memphis.”

“Yeah. And you’re mom’s never home, is she?”

“Nah, she’s got other shit to do.”

“You’re lucky. My mom and dad are home a lot. They argue all the time. They are always yelling. I can hear them now. Right now, they are fighting about some stupid, trivial, nothing piece of shit thing. They won’t let me do anything.”

“Damn, that sucks,” John had replied wisely.

“Yeah.”

In his mind's eye, he was no longer just reliving the earlier phone conversation. Instead, they were sitting his living room, talking by candlelight. As she talked, she took his hand and moved it towards her breasts, which seemed suddenly larger than before–

“Oh, for the love of . . . ” Jon muttered, trailing off. What the hell was wrong with him? He had cool stuff to work on right in front of him. He’d pick the real, live Megan over programming or video games any day of the week. But just thinking about her? Re-imagining their phone conversation? He could do that while he drifted off to sleep, or when he was stuck somewhere boring. Right now, he had a challenge, and he wanted to get to it. If he got to the end of the summer not knowing Editor/Assembler, he’d never catch up. There were already twelve-year-old kids submitting assembly language programs to the contests in the Color Computer magazines. If he had to stretch out learning assembly through 9th grade and into the next summer, how would he ever catch up?

If it was the real, live, warm, supple Megan, whose hair smelled like flowers and rain–then, sure, he’d give up learning to program forever for the real deal. But for just thinking about her? That was nuts.

Anyway, when it came to even having a shot at Megan, it wouldn’t hurt to have some sort of impressive accomplishment tucked under his belt. If he could be writing commercial-grade text adventures and programming in assembly by the end of the summer, he reasoned, well, that would seem pretty damn impressive to him.

So, back to work.



Three lines into the tutorial, he could almost feel Megan’s lips against his. He could feel her tongue teasing him. He had never actually French kissed a girl, but he had seen it on TV and in movies often enough and it looked like it would be really cool. So long as the girl didn’t have bad breath, which Megan wouldn’t. He could see it in his mind, as if watching a film, and Megan was almost chewing on his face, working her mouth and jaw so vigorously and intensely it was almost like she wanted to eat him. As they kissed, her hand wandered down towards his lap . . .

“Crap!” Jon stood up, dropping the Editor/Assembler manual on the floor. He was having issues. It wasn’t the first time he had had these sorts of thoughts, of course, or had been excited by them. But this was the first time the opportunity to play video games or work on his computer hadn’t been able to trump them. I’ve got to get back on track, he thought. How am I going to get anything done if I keep getting all weird over Megan?

He knew a cold shower was supposed to help, but he didn’t like the sound of that. “A walk around the block,” he said. “I’ll walk around the block. That’s supposed to help.”

Jon grabbed his keys, put on some tennis shoes, and ran out of the house. But he made sure the door was locked; his mother would kill him if she came home and the door was unlocked. Walking briskly, he made his way around the block in the warm night air. He circled the block four times before deciding that it wasn’t, as a practical matter, doing him much good. Maybe, he thought, he should just give it up and give it a clean start tomorrow, and do his programming tutorials first thing in the morning, before he did anything else.

As he finished his fourth and final circuit and turned down the cracked cement walkway that led to the door of their admittedly cheap, but very functional, rental house, he stopped with a jerk.

The mail! He had forgotten to check the mail. What the hell was he thinking? That was always supposed to be the first thing he did when he got home. If his mom got home and found out he had forgotten to check the mail, there would be hell to pay. Absolute hell. Among a dozen other things, Doreen Edmonds was paranoid about people in the neighborhood stealing the mail and doing something sinister with it. He had forgotten to get the mail before she had gotten home once last Fall, and the ensuing ass-chewing had been vicious. Worse than the time he had set his bed on fire when he had tried to improvise his own chemistry set out of common household cleansers.

He ran back to the mailbox and pulled open the door. It was loaded with mail, top to bottom. Letters and bills and magazines and a fairly sizeable box. Jon felt his pulse quicken. He felt the skin on his arms and back dimple up with goose bumps. A palpable sense of nearly avoided doom settled on him. Dear God, if I had forgotten to get this mail . . .

No time to waste. Jon pulled all the mail out and rushed into the house, sorting it quickly, just in case his mother showed up early. It was almost eleven, and it was rare on Friday nights she would get home that early. But it did happen.

Bill, bill, bill. Doreen Edmonds, you could already be a winner. Dorna Edmund, you could already be a winner. Bill. Victoria’s Secret—Jon liked sneaking a peak at it, but did not like to think about why his mother got the stupid thing. The thought of her wearing this kind of stuff was just unpleasant. It made him shudder just to think about it. J.C. Penny—that was more like it. Ms. Magazine. A subscription offer to Popular Mechanics, addressed to Jon. Maybe he could guilt his mom into getting that for him. He sat that aside. And . . . a box. A box wrapped in brown butcher paper, with Jon’s name and address neatly penned in blue ink on the top.

For a moment, his heart sank. All thoughts of Megan were finally wiped from his mind. A box. Addressed to him. No return address. That didn’t bode well. The obvious, and depressing, thought was that it was something from his dad. Some object with some letter he didn’t want to read. Some peace offering sent ahead of coming down and wasting futile hours and even days of the valuable summer time to try and make up for—or, let’s be honest, make excuses for—having been gone since before Jon was born. A curse on what was supposed to be the most perfect summer ever.

He needn’t have worried. At least, not about that. Inside was an unlabeled video cassette with a square of notebook paper loosely inserted with it.



Urgent! it shouted, in the same neat, blue-inked penmanship that the box had been addressed with. He could almost believe it was from his dad, but a video cassette with no label? When his dad, Mr. No-Money-For-Child-Support, ought to know they wouldn’t have a BetaMax. Well, perhaps saying he ought to know was giving his dad too much credit. But they didn’t have a video cassette player, and the only person he knew that had one was the other John. And urgent. Who would send him a BetaMax video cassette with a note that said “Urgent!”? Was it a joke? What could possibly be on it?

Jon was dying to find out, but he had to admit that nearing eleven o’clock at night was too late to call up Johnny Two and see if he could come over and watch some weird video tape that came in a box with no return address. John would be fine with it, but his parents would be home, and they’d pop a gasket.

Jon shook his head. Weird. He put the note down and picked up the video cassette again. It was compact and seemed heavier than he remembered Johnny Two’s video cassettes being. The surface seemed slicker, too. He rubbed his hand over it. It was cool, even cold to the touch. And, as he listened closely, he could swear he heard something whirring.

The video cassette shifted in his hands. The center plate, where the label should have been, rotated and rose up from the tape. The surface of the clear plastic that allowed one to see how much tape was currently unspooled clouded and turned silvery, and sprung up, stopping at a forty-five degree angle. The black piece on the opposite side also clouded and then turned a reflective silver, and lifted away from the body of the video cassette at a forty-five degree angle.

“Jon,” the video cassette said, clear as a bell. “Do not be—“

There were sparks flashing between the two elevated, reflected plates. Jon squealed and tossed the video cassette on the floor. He struggled to breathe; his feet felt frozen in place, and his heart was beating a hundred miles a minute. “Omigod,” he said. “Omigod. Omigod. Omigod.”

The tape, black and lifeless and completely normal, sat quietly on the floor.

Jon just stood, staring at the video cassette, for a full five minutes. It did nothing.

“I’m going crazy. First, I can’t stop thinking about Megan, and now this.” But, even in his highly agitated state, that didn’t sound right. There was a big leap from a teenage boy being unable to get his mind off an attractive girl, especially one that might possibly like him, and seeing household objects come to life. And he wasn’t exactly seeing all the household objects come to life. Just this one video cassette. That had arrived in the mail, with no return address.

Jon waited another five minutes. Then he bent over, picked up the cassette and held it for a moment. He waited.

Nothing. It was just a video cassette, that was all. He was just . . . tired. He had over exerted himself walking around the block. Or maybe he had been drugged. He had taken some aspirin earlier for a mild headache; maybe he had taken one of his mother’s indecipherable prescription drugs by mistake? Sometimes she would put them in regular medicine bottles. That seemed feasible.

The tape whirred again, and this time, more rapidly, the two silver panels lifted up and the center plate extended itself and rotated.

Jon let out a strangled gurgle, throwing the tape over to the sofa. “Omigod omigod omigod.”

The video cassette sat silently on the sofa, doing nothing.

“What’s going on?” Jon asked the empty room. “What is this?” He was breathing in rapid, sharp exhalations. His throat felt tight. He felt light-headed. He wasn’t entirely sure what hyperventilating was, but as he seemed unable to control the rapidness of his breath, he thought he just might be doing it now.

Jon ran to the kitchen, peaking over the divider between the living room and the kitchen area—in truth, it was just enough room for a person to squeeze in between the stove, refrigerator, cabinets and microwave–to make sure the video cassette hadn’t moved. It hadn’t.

He began searching for something to hold the tape with, or maybe just poke it with. For a fleeting moment, he had a crystal clear vision of the cassette, whirring and clicking, sprouting mechanical legs and leaping at him from across the room, shooting sinewy, web-like magnetic tape all over him. Then it would descend, reflective, silvery fangs sinking into his neck with high-pitched whine of an electric motor.

He looked up at the video cassette. No movement. It was just sitting there, being a tape.

“Okay, good, Jon.” He wiped sweat off his forehead with his shirt. “Schools out and I’m going nuts.”

He quickly rummaged through the drawers, looking for the BBQ tongs. They never actually used them, at least that Jon recalled, but he knew they were in there somewhere. Then, he put on the bright yellow oven mitts that dangled off the oven handle for added protection.

He approached the tape slowly. No change. It just looked like a blank video cassette.

“Careful, careful . . . ” Jon muttered to himself, sweat beading on his forehead. He extended the cooking tongs gingerly towards to the video cassette. “Careful . . . ah!” The tong slipped as he tried to grab the cassette. The video cassette did nothing.

“Damn,” Jon cursed, and made a second pass. This time, he got one side of the tongs firmly under the video tape, and clamped down. He lifted it in the air, held it steady—and as far away from himself as he could with the tongs—and waited.
Nothing happened.

Sweat was beading into his eyes. He spared a moment to glance away to the kitchen clock, a yellow cat with a swinging tale and rolling eyes that told him it was 11:15. He stood as still as he could, holding the video tape out in front of him, watching it carefully.

It began to shake. Jon gasped, and then realized his arm was shaking. The tape wasn’t doing anything, it was him. He looked back to the clock. It was now 11:17. Nothing had changed.

Jon slowly brought the video cassette closer to him, and then placed it gently down on the free oven mitt. He was now holding the video cassette. He stood for thirty seconds, carefully holding it in his left hand. Nothing happened.

The fear was subsiding and the curiosity was rising. Certainly, he reasoned, if it was going to blow up—or turn into some sort of mechanical spider and kill him—it would have done it by now.

Putting aside the tongs, he grabbed the tape firmly with both hands, still wearing the oven mitts. He waited. The yellow cat’s tail swung back and forth, marking the seconds. Thirty seconds. Forty. Nothing happened.

“What the hell?” Jon marveled, beginning to doubt he had actually seen what he had seen.

He took his left hand out of the oven mitt, and touched the video cassette with his bare fingers. The surface was smooth and cold; it felt like polished marble. Whatever it was, it wasn’t a regular video cassette.

The tape whirred and clicked. The two silver panels lifted up and the center plate extended itself and rotated. The area above the center plate began to sparkle.

“Yah!” Jon yelped, his heart jumping again. Not quite as much this time, though. He immediately withdrew the hand touching the tape, and with two beeps and a series of rapid clicks, it was back to normal. It looked just a like a video cassette.

“Okay. This is weird.” Jon put his hand back down on the tape, waiting. A few moments later, he heard the clicking start and he lifted his hand off. It stopped. “Freaky,” Jon muttered. “Freaky, freaky.”

He put his hand down again, this time placing just his palm against the top of the video cassette. He waited. Tick, tock, went the kitty. Nothing.

Jon thought for a moment, then placed just one finger firmly against the side of the video cassette.

This time, it was faster, the panels were up and the center plate extended before he had time to gasp, yelp, or gurgle. The center plate was practically spitting sparks. In a tinny, but clearly recognizable voice, the tape started talking to him.

“Jon, don’t be alarmed. As you have received this, I will be dead. Well, for the time being, anyway.”

Curiosity was gone again. Now, it was just pure fear. Jon couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He just stood there, over the sofa, holding the spark-spitting tape in a large, yellow oven mitt, one finger almost comically extended, pressed firmly against the left side of the cassette.

The voice the tape was speaking with was Dr. Bernhard’s.

The sparks emitting from the two silver panels began to coalesce over the center plate of the video cassette, forming a translucent image. It took Jon a moment to make it out, but it was a head. Dr. Bernhard’s head.

“Holy shit.” Jon blinked. “Holy, holy shit.”

“I’m so sorry, Jon, to put you in this position,” the translucent head spoke. “But I am afraid you are in tremendous danger. And I’m afraid I’ve put you in it.”

Then the phone rang, and Jon screamed.

Chapter 7

Oak Ridge, TN – Friday, May 27th, 1983 – 11:19 PM


Jon picked up the phone as it rang for the seventh time, eyes fixed not on the receiver he was lifting up but the video cassette—once again, nothing but a video cassette—resting on the floor, just where he had dropped it when the phone rang.

“ . . . uh,” Jon said, suddenly unable to remember the word hello. “Um . . . ”

“Jon? Is that you? Are you still up? Did I wake you up?” it was Megan. There was a clear tremor in her voice. She was upset about something. Of course she was, why else would she be calling Jon at eleven o’clock at night? “Jon?”



“Yeah. Here. Just. Uh.” Words didn’t want to connect and come out of his mouth. What should he tell her? That he was asleep? That his mom was home? That he was playing video games? Or that the ghost of Dr. Bernhard had sent himself to Jon in the form of a possessed video cassette?

Amazingly, Jon found himself wishing he was not having to have this conversation right now.

“Jon, can I come over? I know it’s late, I just need to get out of here. Mom and Larry are just . . . they’re going to kill each other. I can’t take it. I’m sick of it. I just want to get out.”

“I . . . “ Jon started. Then, he couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth next. “This isn’t really a good time.”

There was a moment of stunned silence. There was some vague awareness in the back of Jon’s head that Megan wasn’t stupid, and had a good idea of just how bad a thing Jon had for her. And “no, don’t come over to my house late at night where we will be all alone together” was not the answer she was expecting. In fact, it wasn’t the answer, under any circumstances, he would have expected to give. But, there it was. “Maybe tomorrow?” he followed up, hopefully.

“Oh God, oh god,” Megan almost sobbed. “Oh God. I can't call John—the other John. His parents would kill both of us. I can’t call my cousin Colleen, she’s out of town. Oh God. I can’t take this any more. I wish I had a gun. I wish I had a gun.”

“Start walking, I’ll meet you,” Jon said, reversing himself. First, no matter what this thing was, he couldn’t do that to her. Second, he couldn’t pass up an opportunity like this. To maybe spend the night alone with Megan? Unless she started spitting sparks and unfolding secret panels when he touched her, he couldn’t miss that. Great danger or not, the tape could wait.

So, what about the tape? Did he tell Megan about the video cassette? Should he show her? Was it dangerous? Was it really from Dr. Bernhard? Was the old coot really dead? Even if it was from him, couldn’t it still be dangerous? How well did he really know the old guy? He pushed at the video cassette with his foot. Apparently, he hadn’t known him very well at all, Jon thought. I am afraid you are in tremendous danger, the head had said. And I’m afraid I’ve put you in it.
Boy, that didn’t sound good.

“Oh God, thank you, Jon. Thank you. I’ve got to get out of here.” Jon could now make out noises behind Megan’s voice. Yelling. Loud yelling. Saying, from what little he could make out, some truly terrible things. Thank you, God, I’ve just got my mom, Jon thought. And she’s usually not even home.

“I’ll see you in a few minutes. I’m out of here now.” There was a click of the receiver from her end, and Jon put the phone down. He shook his head. He hadn’t been home from school twelve hours yet, and already it looked like summer was going to be something very different from what he had been anticipating. I am afraid you are in tremendous danger. And I’m afraid I’ve put you in it.


Jon grabbed the tongs, and carried the video cassette back to his room. On the off chance his mom showed up while he was out, it would probably be best not to have the tape lying there where she might pick it up. Then, he put the tongs and the oven mitts back in the kitchen. He grabbed his key and ran out the door, slamming it behind him.

It was a beautiful night. The evening air was cool and the breeze was blowing. The sky was clear, and the moon was a brilliant white. A million stars sparkled against the black of space. The wind smelled like summer. The leaves rustled in the trees—it was the sound of summer. The sound of the world talking to him. And Megan was on her way to meet him.

That, and the old guy he’d hung around with some and who loaned him some books had sent him some sort of possessed video cassette. Which had warned him that he was in tremendous danger.

And she’s going to be, too, Jon’s mind told him. Danger you’re going to put her in.

Jon turned the corner and walked briskly towards Avalon, the street he’d probably end up meeting Megan on. Well, what was he supposed to do? Tell her she had no place to go and he could do nothing for her while her parents were threatening to kill each other? No, no, no, that didn’t work. He’d stick the video cassette in his closet, and that would be it until she left. She didn’t have to know, and he could get back to it sometime in the morning, after she went home. In the meantime, she might be staying the night. With him. Alone. How cool was that?

Jon looked at the houses as he passed by, mostly smaller one story houses but also some larger two-story homes. Dr. Bernhard’s house was the other way down Avalon. Don’t you dare go to that house, Jon’s mind almost screamed at him. Don’t even think about it!

No, no, no. He wasn’t going to go to his house. It’s being watched, he thought. They’re watching it.

Okay. That was enough. He wasn’t going to go to the house. He wasn’t going to tell Megan about the video cassette. He’d investigate the video cassette further in the morning, but that was it. He wasn’t going to go to Bernhard’s house. Especially if he really was dead, that’d just be creepy. Hopefully the video tape—or, he thought giddily, Dr. Bernhard’s translucent, disembodied head—would shed some light on what danger, beyond being sent to a mental institution, he was actually in.

He could make out another figure a block away, coming toward him. As they approached each other, it became clear it was Megan. She picked up speed as they got closer, and Jon couldn’t help but notice how her breasts bounced under her t-shirt. She’s not wearing a bra, he thought. Holy shit, no bra! And she had to know what Jon was seeing as she was running toward him. Had to.

He picked up his pace a little, too, but mostly was transfixed by the image of Megan, bathed in the glow of the yellow-orange street light above her, the wind blowing her long, auburn hair as she moved toward him. Suddenly, he panicked. Should I just stop? Should I hug her? Should we shake hands? They had never really hugged, after all, and he didn’t want to do anything stupid or awkward.

Megan flew into him, almost knocking him down, and threw her arms around his neck, pressing her face against his chest. He could feel her nose on his collar bone. He could feel her hot breath through the thin fabric of his shirt. Her chest was heaving, breasts pressing against his ribs. Well, that solves that, he thought.

She also smelled like someone had poured a beer on her head. And that explains that, he thought. Megan had alluded to the amount of beer and liquor her parents kept in the house, and how sometimes it was the only way she could deal with them. She had clearly been dealing with them a lot, this evening.

“Thank you, Jon. Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do right now if you hadn’t said yes.” Her voice was muffled as she talked into his shirt. He could feel the breath of every word. Her hair was in his face. It was a beautiful reddish brown, and almost glimmered under the yellow of the street lights, though it wasn’t quite as soft as he had imagined. It was actually a little stiff, like extremely thin strands of straw. And, boy, did she smell like beer. Beer and cigarettes. The flowers and rain smell she usually had at school had been smothered. Completely. Not quite his fantasy. But, he thought, a lot closer to his fantasy than he had any right to expect to come.

Again, he thanked God that he had a single mom who let him be a latchkey kid. Sometimes very late into the night. If the situation had been different, and Megan had actually been able to call Johnny Two and go see him, that’s probably what she would have done. Or, if she had been able to call any of the other guys she hung around with at school she would have, because hang around with them she did. In two years, when they were all in high school and the other boys had cars and late night curfews, would Megan Kincaid be in Jon Edmonds’ arms, pressing her breasts against him, her hot breath against his skin? Not frickin’ likely.

After a few moments, even the smell of beer and cigarettes didn’t seem so bad.



Megan lifted her head, her eyelids heavy, her eyes red. She had clearly been crying. She was clearly drunk. She parted her lips and for one brief moment, Jon thought she was going to kiss him. His mouth went dry and his heart skipped a beat. He hadn’t brushed his teeth since that morning! His breath had to be terrible. And would she kiss with her tongue? That had always been his fantasy, but suddenly the idea was terrifying. He didn’t know what you were supposed to do with your tongue in another person’s mouth. What was the etiquette? Should the boy or the girl go first?

“You are a sweetheart, you really are,” she said, breaking away. No kissing. He had read that wrong. Bizarrely, Jon found himself relieved. “I don’t know what I would have done. If I had to stay another minute. I’d rather kill myself. I’d rather die.”

“Christ, Megan, don’t say that. Move out or run away or something. Don’t talk like that. You’re the most wonderful person I know.”

“Aw, Jeeze, Jon, you’re so sweet,” Megan replied, pinching Jon’s cheek. Hard. From heaving breasts and her nuzzling her head in the hollow of his neck to getting pinched on the cheek. He was strangely relieved about not having to kiss her, but moving from passionate embrace to getting a pat on the head like a precocious nephew was not the right direction.

“You’re so lucky. Just your mom. And she’s gone all the time.” They started walking back towards Jon’s house. “My folks. Sometimes I wish they were dead. And I hate it. I hate it that I think like that. I hate it that they make me think like that. I wish they’d get a divorce.”

Jon nodded. They both had friends with good families. Johnny Two’s parents had been married for twenty years. They were pretty strict on him—about where he went, when he had to go to bed, when he had to do his homework and so on. But they loved him, and they got along with each other. Jon was fine with just having half a parent; the alternative, gauging from both the behavior of his father and the sorts of people his mom would occasionally bring home after they had been dating for a while—or, sometimes, since that afternoon—would have been much worse. Megan’s family was a pretty good example of “much worse”. Sometimes he envied the whole family-sits-down-to-dinner” gig that Johnny Two had. How much time they invested into holidays and family vacations. How much time they all spent together. But so much better to live without that than to live with what Megan had.

“They tell me they stay together for me and Carla but it’s not for us. It's not for me. I think they hate me. They hate me and they don’t know they hate me. Do you know what I mean?” Megan took a pack of cigarettes out of her pocket. They were Marlboro Lights. At Jefferson Middle School, Marlboro Lights were the cigarette of choice. Megan took one and held the pack out to Jon. He really didn’t smoke, but he didn’t want to get another pinch on the cheek as if he were a small, precocious child. He took a cigarette. Megan took out a Bic lighter, and, hand cupped around the flame, expertly lit her cigarette as the wind kicked up.

“Here,” she said, taking Jon’s cigarette and lighting it from her own. She puffed on it, and handed it back to him. Jon put the cigarette into his mouth. It seemed like something intimate had just happened between them, but he wasn’t quite sure what. Simpler than kissing, though.


“It’s like they start fights about something to do with me on purpose. Like they want me to know it’s all my fault, but they don’t want to say it. Sometimes I just wish they’d both kill themselves. And I hate them so much for making me think like that.”

“Shit,” Jon said, shaking his head sympathetically. If you didn’t know what to say, a rueful shit, with a little sympathetic head shaking, could fill in the gaps nicely.

“Shit is right. My life is shit. That house is shit. They are so much shit.” The tremor was back in her voice. “So much bullshit.” She took a deep drag on her cigarette and exhaled a plume of smoke into the night air. Jon stuck to short little puffs, trying not to cough.

“I’ve got to get out of there. I’m not going to make it through the summer. I can’t do another summer. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“You can come over to my house, whenever. Sorry about tonight, I was just busy when you called and . . . I didn’t mean to sound like I was trying to blow you off.”

“Shit, Johnny. You guys are so good to me. I got no right to expect you to come running to meet me in the middle of the night or let me stay at your house.” Jon watched as she took another deep drag on her cigarette. He wondered how such a beautiful girl—such a beautiful woman—could say something like that and seriously mean it. Especially in that light blue t-shirt and no bra. Who wouldn’t run to meet her in the middle of the night? And, good Lord, if it was an option, what red-blooded American male wouldn’t let her stay at his house? He just hadn’t quite been himself when she called.

“And I’m sorry I called you out of the blue like that.” She shrugged, her breasts following her shoulders, pulling against the fabric of her t-shirt. “Hey, at least I’m not wearing a bra, huh?”

Jon stopped in his tracks. He blushed furiously. He had been staring at her chest. And he was busted. He hadn’t meant to, it had just sort of happened. “I—uh—I was—I was—” he stuttered.

“Damn, I’ve never seen anybody turn that red.” She laughed, the first time he had heard her do it in weeks. “You’re ears are just red as tomatoes.” She laughed again. “I know I’ve got boobs. It’s okay. Most girls do. Just remember,” she continued, taking his chin in the hand that was also holding her cigarette and pulling his head up, “the face is up here. This is the part—” She hiccupped. “This is the part you talk to.”

She slurred the last part, her eye lids drooping heavily. Yes, her face was up there, and it was clearly drunk. Maybe she won’t remember, he thought hopefully, still red as a beet.

She put her cigarette in her mouth, and they started walking again. “You’re cuter than I remember,” she said. “Come on, hold my hand, you pervert,” Jon felt his cheeks flush again, as she grabbed his hand. She really did seem to be taking it in stride, but he couldn’t help feeling like a creep.

She swung their hands back and forth dramatically while flipping her cigarette between thumb and forefinger with the other, occasionally taking a puff as they walked. “Yeah, I know I’ve got big boobs,” Megan said, nonchalantly. “My mom has ‘em. Her mom had ‘em. I’m supposed to be in tenth grade. I got held back in sixth grade because the school messed something up, and my parents—hell, they wouldn’t think of trying to fix it. So, I did sixth grade twice.”

Jon nodded. He knew that part. He took a drag on his cigarette. A deep one this time. He coughed, but not badly.

“Don’t kill yourself there, smokestack,” she said. “You know, you guys. You and the other John. You’re just the best. You guys love me more than my mom and dad ever did. Why is that? Why do people I meet at school care about me and my own parents don’t? Do I suck that bad?”

“I don’t know,” Jon said, thankful the conversation was going to move away from Megan’s boobs. She had seemed all right with it, but he was still mortified that he had been standing there, staring at her chest. Something was definitely haywire with the teenage hormones. This had to be abnormal or something. “Some people are just stupid. And sometimes those stupid people are our parents. Maybe it’s just luck. John—the other John—has good parents. Yours suck. My mom is all right and my dad stinks, but he’s on the other side of the country. It’s not just you.”

“I dunno. It’s just so hard to know, when you’re in it everyday. Sometimes it sure feels like me.”

They turned the corner off Avalon onto Cheshire. Jon’s house was just three houses down. And his mom’s blue Dodge Diplomat was parked in the driveway.

“Crap. Mom’s home,” Jon said.

Megan blanched. “Oh no.” She took a drag off her cigarette, the tremor back in her voice. “Oh God.” She stared and his mom’s car like she had wandered into a graveyard and stumbled across and open grave with her name on the marker. “What do I do now?” she whispered. Her lower lip trembled.

Jon thought for a moment. “I don’t think she’d call your parents,” he said, and he was pretty sure she wouldn’t. But she wouldn’t, say, let them stay in his room alone all night, either. “But better safe than sorry,” he continued. “Go around to the back. You’ll have to get through the bushes and they are kind of prickly but I’ll just open the window and let you in. I gotta let mom yell at me for being out this late, then she’ll go to bed and she’ll be out of it. She’s got a yoga class or something on Saturdays—I don’t ever see her in the mornings. She doesn’t make breakfast or anything.”

Megan nodded, taking another drag off her cigarette, but she still looked nervous. “Cool,” she said. “You’re sure, right? I don’t want her finding me and calling me parents. I’ll sleep outside—”

“No, no, she’ll just go to bed and that will be it. She, like, never comes in my room. She hates how messy it is. Oh, yeah, sorry, my room is a mess.”

“Oh, hell then, I’m going home,” Megan laughed. Still, she looked nervous. Her eyes were wide open and aware. It was clear, again, why she had picked Jon to call instead of anybody else. Because Jon was the only person she knew with almost no parental issues. Thanks to his sister’s summer classes, no sibling issues either; those could often be worse than parents. But, that was why Megan had chosen him for this late night rendezvous. That, and she didn’t completely hate him.

He nudged her towards the back gate as they approached his house, but she was still staring at the car, eyes clear and alert and not even a glimmer of a smile.

Man, Jon thought. Her parents are such a mess she hates the very idea of parents. Of any parent. Even Jon’s mom, who was about as innocuous as they came. “Just wait by my window. Give me, like, ten minutes. At the most.”

“’kay,” Megan said. “Don’t leave me out here all night.”

“No way,” Jon said, and, seeing her turn cautiously around the corner in the darkness of their postage stamp of a back yard, Jon went to the front door and pushed it open, breathing heavily. “Mom!” he yelled. “Thank God!”

Doreen Edmonds dropped her books. Her blond hair was teased in the front and feathered in the back. It looked to Jon like she had maybe sprayed glitter in it. She had on purple eye shadow. She was wearing four fat bracelets around each wrist and huge golden hoop earrings. She had her long white Benneton sweater over her blue jean miniskirt and orange blouse. She was dressed like the girls at Jefferson Middle School. Aw, Mom, come on. Jon thought. What are you going to do next? Put Quiet Riot posters up in your room? You’re forty frickin’ years old.

Doreen looked up at Jon, startled. Her lips were bright red and her mascara was running. Another one of those nights, apparently. Instead of picking up her books—she had, no doubt, gone out after class with somebody, again, and it hadn’t worked out—she pulled the sweater around her. For the same reason she had it on in the first place. Jon never gave her shit, but he could tell she didn’t want him to see her dressing up like she was sixteen years old and desperate.

If you’re ashamed of what you’re doing, what kind of guy do you think is going to go for that? Jon asked in his head. But he thought he probably knew the answer. Somebody like Jackson Edmonds, the sperm donor that had provided the necessary fertilization for Stacey and Jon in first place. That’s who. Fortunately for Jon, guys like Jackson Edmonds were attracted to the Doreen Edmonds of the world when they were twenty years old, not when they were forty. No matter how they dressed. Not one of her boyfriends had lasted more than four months in Jon’s entire life. Given what he had seen of them, John judged that to be a good thing.

“Jon, where were you?” Doreen asked, with an almost white-nuckled grip on her sweater. “You know I don’t like coming home and you’re not here.”

Jon was still breathing heavily. “Sorry—” He breathed in and out pointedly. “—mom. I—” In and out. “—I was programming on my computer and I heard a loud noise, like, five minutes—” Deep breath. “—five minutes ago.” In and out. “It was like a car crash. A skid and—” In and out. “—then a crash. And you weren’t home and I thought it—” Deep breath. Slow exhalation. “I don’t know what I thought. Just, you weren’t here and it was getting late and sometimes you’re tired when you’re driving home—” Deep breath. “--and it’s dangerous out on Friday nights. So I ran out to see and I couldn’t find anything, so I ran back—” one last deep breath. “—and you were home. I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Oh,” Doreen said. “That’s okay.” Now, she turned around and then bent over to pick up her books. She put her books back up on the side table near the door, and moved away from Jon, towards the living room area. She casually turned on the standing lamp in the corner and turned off the overhead lights.

“I guess you get scared too, sometimes.”

Oh, Mom, if you only knew the half of it. “Next time I should leave a note,” Jon said. “I was only out for five minutes. I know it was late, I just got worried. Paranoid, I guess. It’s stupid.”

“No, no,” Doreen said. “I worry about you, too, kid. I know I’m gone a lot. It’s just, being a single mother, having to pay all the bills, having to raise to kids—”

“Never getting paid your alimony,” Jon volunteered.

Doreen raised her hand, flipping it out at Jon, as if she were Vanna White introducing a new vowel. “Thank you! Barely get a dime. He doesn’t remember half the holidays. The few times he ever has shown up, it’s unannounced, out the blue–”

Doreen lurched over to Jon. She hugged him, awkwardly. Good Lord, he had thought Megan smelled like beer and cigarettes. Doreen smelled like she had taken a bath in cheap gin and rubbed dirty ashtrays in her hair. “Sorry, guy, I don’t need to be talking about your dad like that with you.” As if she hadn’t been talking about Jackson Edmonds exactly like that with Jon since Jon could remember. It was why Jon had brought it up—it was, nine times out of ten, a sure-fire way to direct attention off of himself and onto Jackson. “Anyway, it’s late, and I’ve got my business networking seminar tomorrow—”

“I know, I’m tired, too,” Jon said. “Mind if a listen to some music in my room for awhile? I don’t want to keep you up.”

“No, that’s fine, once I hit the sheets I’m dead to the world.” Doreen moved towards the bathroom. “Well, I’m going to shower. I’ve got yoga after the networking seminar, and then I’ve got to get to the grocery store, so I might not see you until tomorrow night. You want I should make you something for dinner?”

“Nah, I’m good. I’m going to hang out with Johnny Two tomorrow and we might get something to eat at the mall. Carla—you know, Megan’s sister—she might drive us.”

“Okay. Well, you be careful. I worry about you, kid.”

“I know you do, Mom. I’ll be careful, promise. ‘Night.”

“’Night.” Doreen disappeared into the bathroom and shut the door. A moment later, he heard the shower come on, pipes rattling and squealing. Plenty enough noise to mask getting Megan in through the window.

Jon stepped back and looked at the yellow cat clock in the kitchen. He’d gotten his mom from pissed off to out of his hair and in the shower in four minutes. Just one more thing that was so much easier now, without Stacey lobbing bombs to get him in trouble.

Jon drew a deep breath. Now, it was time to bring a real, live girl into his bedroom. Where she would probably stay. All night. Jon swallowed hard. In so many ways his life, which had never felt simple to him, seemed destined to become enormously, irreversibly more complicated over the next few days. And yet . . . would he throw the tape away and pretend he had never gotten it? Would he send Megan away, explaining he had more important things to do? That he had to keep his summer open for learning programming and playing video games?

I might have to forget about learning assembly language, he thought, looking at the TRS-80 Color Computer in front of the television. And then he went into his bedroom and closed the door.

Chapter 9

Oakrdige, TN – Saturday, May 28th, 1983 – 12:22 AM

Getting Megan through the window was trickier than Jon had thought it would be. They hadn’t trimmed the hedges since—well, since probably more than a year ago—and he himself hadn’t gone through the window in six months. Plus, Megan’s general tiredness and intoxication left her less than coordinated.

At first, she tried to straddle the window and lift herself through, but as she got her left foot over the sill she fell backwards into the bushes. With the shower going, Jon wasn’t worried about what his mom might hear, but that had to hurt. He had done it himself, in past, with much better-trimmed hedges. Those weren’t pricker bushes, thankfully, but it wasn’t exactly a featherbed out there, either.

“Ouch. Hell. I scratched the crap out of back. And my arms.” She had, too. The red lines criss-crossed the sides of both arms and the tops of her hands. A few lighter, white scratches ran across her forearms. “Maybe I should just try tumbling over—“

There was a considerable gap of floor, and junk on the floor, between the window and Jon’s single bed. He didn’t think the tumble over strategy would be a wise one.

“Let’s try this,” Jon suggested. “Grab my hands and push against the wall. Sort of walk up it and pull against me, or just try and get your feet up as high on the wall as you can and then pull up against me and I’ll be pulling you over—”

“’kay,” she said. “You’re the super genius.” Jon bristled a bit, but let it go. Megan and Johnny had ribbed him for the better part of the school year, since he had made the honor roll with every report card. As far as Jon was concerned, it had just been the most efficient way to keep his mom off his case. Absentee mothering or not, a lot of Jon’s freedom and autonomy would dry up without those straight As (well, except for gym) on every report card.

Megan lurched up, pulling against Jon as he tried to pull her in. She was wobbly, but was up the wall and had her feet at the level of the window sill in a moment. Then, she fell forward on Jon, who fell back against the bed, their hands still linked.

There is a God, Jon thought. There can be no doubt. Earlier that day, he had been speculating about the possibility of maybe getting to look down her shirt once or twice while she flirted with Johnny Miller—a little more intense version of the sort of thing that had been happening at school for the last semester. Maybe he’d get to spend some time alone with her—he had, after all, found excuses to bring his lack of parental oversight into the discussion a lot during the last month of school for a reason. Megan would complain, in a sort of angst filled flirt with Johnny Two, about her parents fighting and how hard life at her house was, and Jon would weasel in there with something about how bad that sucked, he was glad to be a latchkey kid, had the house to himself practically all the time, it was peaceful and easy and so on. He had stopped short of inviting her over specifically to avoid her parents, yeah, but the offer had been there, all the same.

Apparently, the angling had worked. School was out and Johnny Two had parents who were home all the time, and Jon did not. From the tone of conversation earlier in the evening to the “not wearing a bra” comment on the street, Jon was beginning to think that, as of final bell, Megan had maybe shifted her flirtation interests. She didn’t have a boyfriend. She had spent more and more time talking to Jon over the past month, on the phone and even at school. And now, they were both in his bed and she was laying on top of them, as braless as ever, breasts pillowed against his chest, her hands in his—and not letting go just yet, even though she was, obviously, well through the window. Indeed, there was a God, and He was smiling on Jon tonight.
And with your bounty, comes your duty, Jon thought, the video cassette—quickly stowed in his tiny closet before opening the window—flitting through his mind. I’m so sorry, Jon, to put you in this position, Dr. Bernhard had said—apparently from beyond the grave. But I am afraid you are in tremendous danger. And I’m afraid I’ve put you in it.

“Shhhh,” Megan’s puckered lips blew air right in Jon’s face. Her breath smelled like beer, cigarettes, and day-old food, but it didn’t bother Jon a bit. The magic of hormones, he thought.
“We shouldn’t wake up your mother,” Megan said groggily, her eyelids heavy and fluttering again. Jon didn’t bother to correct her; his mother was still showering and, most likely, not yet asleep.

Megan shifted, and let go of his hands, putting her hands down on the bed to steady herself. Jon let his hands fall, one dropping—not unintentionally—to her side, fairly far up, only to land on the bare skin of her midriff. Bare skin? Apparently, falling in had pulled up her shirt almost to her boobs. And there his hand was, on her naked side—he could feel her ribs, he could feel each breath making her rib cage expand and contract—and she was just smiling drunkenly at him.

The urge to just grab her head and kiss her, kiss her hard, beer and cigarettes and all, rose in him like a tidal wave. Like someone had taken the distraction he had felt earlier, thinking about Megan, and turned the volume up ten times. For a moment, he felt dizzy.


Megan obviously saw something in his face, or sensed something, drunk or not.

“Hey, now, don’t get any funny ideas. I’m not that kind of girl,” she said blearily, and rolled off of him. When she did, he saw that, indeed, her shirt was up to her breasts, and he could see the white skin of her rib cage and belly clearly and closely. The soft curve of her abdomen at her navel. Again, the urge to grab her. To possess her. It was almost overwhelming. Possessed video cassettes seemed irrelevant, unimportant. Learning assembly language? Playing Pitfall? Who gave a shit? The line of her ribs and the soft swell of her belly, the oval of her navel—what could possibly be more important?

Megan pulled down her shirt. “All right, all right,” she said. “I’m not a big juicy steak, Tiger.”

Jon felt his face flush again. Busted. Once more. Maybe not for the first time, if his score tonight was any indication. His body was betraying him. Hell, his mind was betraying him. It was full-scale mutiny. He suddenly understood very clearly why adults did not want young girls and young boys spending a lot of time alone together. While he couldn’t speak for the girls, the effect on the male of the species clearly seemed to overpower almost all reason.

What would happen if she were more drunk? Or if he was Johnny Two, and she was more amenable to the idea of making out? Or if he was a charmer, willing to bargain and barter and promise the moon and eternal love for a little nookie, right then? On the one hand, the thought had some appeal. On the other hand, the last thing on earth Jon would ever want would be to play Jackson Edmonds to some poor girl’s Doreen Edmonds. He’d stay a virgin until they day he died, if that was his only option.

“Sorry,” he muttered, rolling off the bed. “Busted,” he finished sheepishly.

“I am so tired,” she said. “It’s not a big deal, guys are just sort of hardwired that way and sometimes you just need a good smack. And I'll smack you. Just see if I won't.” She crawled out of the bed, laying down on the floor between the wall with the window and the bed, instinctively going for the one place she could sleep and not be seen. She was right, too—Jon didn’t think Doreen had peeked over to that side of his bed since they had moved into the house. “I know you’ve got your head and heart–and your hands, let's not forget those–in the right place. Lots of guys don’t.” She reclined on the floor, stretching and yawning, and just watching her he felt the tremendous desire to touch her. To hold her. To taste her.

He looked away, shaking his head. Hoping she hadn’t seen him do it again. Too many times, and she’d forget any benefit of the doubt she’d given him about having a good head or a good heart. And she had it right about the “juicy steak” comment, too. When he saw her stretching, or had been staring at her bare midriff, or had been staring at her boobs earlier, he had felt like a ravenous wolf who hadn’t eaten in weeks and weeks who had just run across a fresh kill. Fresh meat. Like a wild, hungry animal that smelled blood.

Good smack, hell. Jon thought maybe Megan ought to get a cattle prod.

He knew Megan’s interest in him was more practical than personal. More logistical than emotional. Still, that didn’t mean he wanted to be thinking of her like a piece of meat. He wanted to be better than that. For her, sure, but even more so for himself. Right?

Jon got out of bed and opened the closet. He could hear Megan making a long, high-pitched groan as she stretched, but he refused to turn and look. It was hard. It was amazingly hard not to turn and look.

The first thing he saw, on top of a blue milk crate full of dirty clothes, was the video cassette. That cut into the desire to turn around and look at Megan stretch. Just thinking about it hadn’t been enough to break the spell, but actually seeing it . . . well, that sobered him a little. He quickly grabbed and extra blanket from the top of his closet and tossed it to Megan, trying not to look directly at her.

“Ooomph!” she said dramatically. “Thanks a lot. Not in the face, next time.”

“Sorry,” he apologized. The pulled a sweat shirt off a hanger. He tied it at the neck and at then stuffed several t-shirts and loose socks into it. Then, he tied it together at the bottom and tossed it to Megan. “Hoo,” she mumbled. “Jeeze, I was almost asleep, is that everything?”

“Unless you need something else,” Jon said, turning around to look. She had unfolded the blanket and pulled it up around her.

The sweatshirt stuffed with t-shirts and socks was in her lap. “Whassis?” she asked.

“Pillow. Or I could use that one, and you could use mine—”

“S’fine,” she mumbled, sticking the stuffed sweatshirt under her head. At about that time, the pipes banged as the shower water shut off. Jon thought about turning on music, as he had said he would, planning to cover up any noise with his stereo. Whatever he had thought that noise was going to be–them talking, them making out, or perhaps him showing Megan the video cassette–it apparently wasn’t going to be necessary. Megan was already snoring. When he glanced again a moment later, her lips were parted and she was drooling on her pillow.

“Okay, even I’ve got to admit, that’s not exactly attractive,” Jon said quietly to himself. There, that was good. Obsessive lust might have some boundaries, he thought. However, the idea that he was fourteen and men reached their sexual prime at eighteen made any temporary victory over lust seem sort of pointless. If it was this bad now . . .

The though occurred to him to try and touch her boob, while she was asleep. Maybe he could touch her nipple. Or lift up her shirt, anyway. After all–

“See, that’s the stuff I’m talking about,” Jon said to himself. “Do I want to be like the sperm donor? Do I want to be a creep?” He asked himself out loud.

Do you want to be salivating over this sweet and fundamentally good girl like she just a piece of meat? his mind asked him. Is that how you’ll do it better than your parents? Better than Jackson?

“All righty then,” he said, sitting on the side of his bed. He started to lay down the way he normally did, which would be facing the same direction Megan was, and then thought better of it. He could see his hand falling over the side of the bed at night, as if often did, and he didn’t want to end up doing something that would further embarrass him. Not to mention, doing something that he might sleep through. So he laid down on the bed the opposite way, his head toward the closet. This way, if he did drop his hands out of the bed, the worst damage he might do would be to grab an ankle. Innocuous enough.

It was inevitable, of course, that with Megan asleep and the closet just a few feet from his head, his thoughts shifted from her and his undulating sense of lust and embarrassment. Back to the tape. He had just started it, really, when Megan had called. And no small message, that: I am afraid you are in tremendous danger. And I’m afraid I’ve put you in it.

There was more, and he needed to listen to it.

He opened his closet and pulled out the tape. When he had tossed it in the closet earlier, he had been quick about it, and it hadn’t started up. Now, he took it out and held it deliberately. If Megan woke up, Megan woke up. He was tired now, as it was very late and it had been an enormously packed evening, and he was feeling that it couldn’t be a coincidence—Megan being at his house, now, all by themselves for the first time ever, and the arrival of that video cassette. Or that he first began to see what it had to tell him, when Megan had placed the phone call that had led to her sleeping on the floor, next to his bed, right now. If she saw something, she saw something. And Jon wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to be going on this trip alone, anyway.

The thing was, nothing was happening. Before, the process had seemed to be speeding up, and the tape—or whatever it really was—had seemed to be on a hair-trigger. Every time he had touched it, the clicking and whirring began. Now, nothing.

From beside the bed, Megan snorted in her sleep. Then she worked her mouth, smacking her lips as if she had tasted something unpleasant.

Jon looked at Megan, then at the video cassette. Then back at Megan. Then back to the cassette. The idea that it had all been his imagination was still knocking around in his head. With Megan, asleep and braless in his bedroom, all alone with him—well, hell, he might be dreaming right now.

It was also, he supposed, possible that he had broken it. But, somehow, he didn’t think so.
He thought the video cassette wasn’t transfiguring itself now—and he didn’t know exactly how to think about what it seemed to do when he touched it except “transfiguring”—because of Megan. Because Megan was in the room.

He didn’t just think it. He knew it. Crystal clear and sky blue, right in the center of his head. Dead certainty. The sort of way he knew that if Johnny Miller had absentee parents, and run of his nicer and larger house, Megan would be asleep on Johnny Two’s floor right now. Only stronger.


Jon turned on the small boy-&-dog figural lamp by his bed, with a brief thought that if he was going to start having hot chicks in his room, he might want to move up from the bedside lamp he’d had since he was three years old. He turned out the light, and then cracked the door, peeking out. He could smell the cheap soap and steam from his mom’s shower, but the bathroom light was off, and her bedroom door was closed. She probably wasn’t quite in bed yet, but she would be soon, and dead to the world shortly thereafter.

Safe enough. Especially if the tape, as he was certain it did, had some sort of mechanism to keep it from activating when somebody else was in the room with him. How in the world Dr. Bernhard had created such a thing, Jon had no idea. Why, if capable of such an amazing piece of technology—and certainly, that’s what it was, not some supernatural phenomenon or other such hokum—then why hadn’t Dr. Bernhard been making a zillion dollars a year selling portable holographic projector things? Why would he have developed such a thing, and then . . . sent it to a fourteen year old kid? That made the least sense of anything, to Jon. Why him? Why such a bizarre—and, frankly, initially terrifying—delivery mechanism? And, of course, there was that whole “tremendous danger” thing.

Jon made his way down past the little hall that led to his mom’s room and the bathroom and across the living room—in truth, a room not much wider than the hall–and into the kitchen. He hunched down, with his back to the rest of the house, against the kitchen door that led out to the carport. It was about as far as he could get from both his and his mom’s room and not go outside. Hopefully, if he was correct and the device was somehow sensitive to the presence of other people, this would be far enough away.

It was. Before he had even finished hunching down, the video cassette was whirring and clicking. Transfiguring. The silvery mirrors started sparkling, and the miniature image of Dr. Bernhard’s head began to coalesce.

“Jon, as you have received this, I will be dead. Well, for the time being, anyway,” the head said, again.

“Okay, good, I got that,” Jon whispered back.

“I’m so sorry, Jon, to put you in this position,” he continued. “But I am afraid you are in tremendous danger. And I’m afraid I’ve put you in it.”

Jon braced himself. This was the part where the phone had rung before. The next part—well, given the impossibility of what he was holding in his hand, given the impossibility of what he was seeing, it couldn’t be good.

“Jon, I’ve stolen something. Something very terrible and very powerful. There are good reasons for what I did. At least, I think there are. I hope there are. Just as I hope that there are good reasons for putting you in such terrible danger. I don’t suppose I can be sure, not yet.”

There was a pause, as the head turned from glancing towards the dishwasher to staring directly at Jon. Jon, again, felt that earlier sense of fear growing. Not of this device, not anymore. Jon was scared of what he suddenly, clearly knew would be the next thing the good doctor would tell him.
“I have hidden what I have stolen, Jon. It is in your possession. I believe you will know what it is. I hesitate to be more direct; I’m sure you understand. I have built what safeguards I could into this message, but it is hardly all-encompassing. I expect, given time, others could make it play. Much of where we go from here will depend on your memory.” Unbelievably, Jon was sure he saw the deadly-serious, I’m-so-sorry-I’ve-put-you-in-danger disembodied head smirk. “Although you didn’t know it, I’ve been telling you about this since the moment we met.”

The earlier fear now seemed tame. This fear—no, not just fear, this creeping sense of impending doom-made the earlier episode seem almost lighthearted by comparison. He had something the professor had stolen—certainly, he must be talking about something he had stolen from his government research job, so Jon was in possession of something some crazy old man had stolen from the CIA or something. What was more, Jon was apparently supposed to know, without ever having been told, just what the hell it was.

“Holy shit holy shit holy shit,” Jon repeated to himself, sweat beading up on his forehead, a chill crawling up from his belly and spreading out from his chest, then his arms. He had just been sort of casual friends with the old guy. Had done some chorses. And now he the good doctor had stolen something important—and the way the message was delivered proved it had to be something terribly important—and stuck Jon with it. And Jon didn’t even know what it was. Unless, he thought, it was the tape, but—

“You will need to be very alert,” the head continued. “I suggest you trust no one. I know you are young, and may need assistance, but be very careful who you tell. For your safety and quite possibly for theirs. For the moment, you should be safe.” Again, the smirk. “I have left my former employer many, many clues to consider, mainly designed to buy you time. I think you may understand now, too, why I didn’t give you my phone number when you asked. Why I didn’t go to anything outside of my house when you invited me. Why I steered you away from making your thesis in English class on anything to do with me; I know you weren’t happy about that. But I knew that this day would be coming, and I wanted as little left behind, when it did, that would tie us together.”

Jon stared at the translucent, glowing head, mouth agape. His jaw started working. “You lying mother—“

Dr. Bernhard’s head sighed, almost as if he heard Jon. “I know this doesn’t paint me in the best light. I hope you understand. Putting you in this position wasn’t my first choice, but simply trying to run with the item myself, or conceal it—I knew that wasn’t going to work. It would be found out and eventually I would be found. I’ve spent most of my life in government work, or in academia, and you don’t meet too many people you’d trust with your car keys, much less your life, in either area of life.”

Jon shook his head. Even now, the old coot was rambling aimlessly. What was the point of that? He wanted to know what the hell it was Dr. Bernhard had stuck him with. And just how dangerous it was.

“Jon, when I met you, I hadn’t talked with you for an hour before I knew you had been sent into my life for a reason. That in sixty-eight years of life, you were one of the few people I had met that I knew I could trust. That I felt for sure that I should trust. Even with great power. Perhaps especially with great power.”

“Thanks,” Jon murmured, his mouth dry and cottony. “Wish I could say the same.”

Great power? Jon didn’t like the sound of that any better than of tremendous danger.

“I would like to tell you the object must be destroyed. Unfortunately, if that was all there were to it, I might have done it myself. Might have. There is, however, every indication that it survived multiple nuclear blasts, largely without a scratch, and probably worse. And it is of such a durable and advanced technology as that even if you thought you had destroyed it, there would be no way to know. Not for sure.

“I would like to tell you to get rid of it. To drop it to the bottom of the ocean or launch it into the heart of the sun—”

Jon felt that cold, sick feeling spread out from the center of his stomach again with the casual way the good doctor mentioned those options, as if sending something into the center of the sun was something as simple as throwing a candy wrapper in the trash. What the hell did you stick me with, doc? He thought. What the hell did you do?

“I’m sure you want more explanation,” Dr. Bernhard’s ghost image said. “I expect you understand that this is serious. You are a very intelligent young man. You know that what you are holding in your hand represents a technology unknown to Sony and unavailable at Radio Shack. Technology that is easily fifty years ahead of anything we have developed. But—oh, Jon.”

It was hard to tell, but as the head glanced away, over towards the kitchen sink, it looked as if his eyes glazed over. He looked a little bit like a man in love. “The item—it represents technology a century beyond anything we have achieved. Five centuries beyond. Maybe a thousand years beyond anything we have achieved. I believe it represents an end to technology, Jon. The end. The point beyond which there truly is nothing more to discover. The point at which technology turns us into something like gods.”

The head just floated, seeming to gaze off into the distance. Looking a little love struck. Looking maybe a little wistful. Or maybe not wistful. Maybe hungry was a better word.

He suddenly thought of Megan, pulling down her shirt uncomfortably. All right, all right, I’m not a big juicy steak.

“To tell you the truth, even if I was sure as to how to dispose of it at this moment, I’m not sure that I could. I would like to think I am a better person than the people I am working for. That, were I to run away, to secure myself some uncharted desert island from which I could use the power of the item only for good, that that’s what I would do. To feed the world. To provide abundant energy and resources for all. To transform medical care. To make everything safer. To make a world where there was no cancer. No heart disease. No Alzheimer’s. A world where my wife might still be alive.”

The head stared away at the kitchen sink, and then turned, again seeming to look pointedly at him. “I would only mean to do good, Jon. I think that is the terrible trick of it. I would only mean to do good. But the people I’m working for—mostly career government types, but there are also civilians in the mix, as you might imagine—they would only mean to do good, as well. To defend our country. To ensure freedom. To liberate people around the world. To develop a tremendous technological advantage militarily and economically. And those are truly noble goals. They are, Jon. But in the end . . . ”

The head looked away again. “Jon, if you wanted to build a ‘doomsday device’, how would you do it? Do you remember when we talked about that?”

Jon did. Bernhard had actually sat him down and watched a taped episode of Star Trek, one featuring what looked to Jon like a killer carrot roaming the universe, eating planets. Bernhard had referred repeatedly to it as a “doomsday horn of plenty”.

Another day, he had shown Jon Dr. Strangelove—which Jon had thought was hilarious. He had also loved the conspiratorial way in which Dr. Bernhard had confided in him that some of the portrayals were a little too close to reality for comfort. There were, he said, a lot of people in the government and in the military that reminded him of some of the characters in the movie. There had been a doomsday device in that movie, too.

Dr. Bernhard had suggested that perhaps a real doomsday device—something truly designed to wipe out entire civilizations, entire planets—might better come disguised as a gift. That it might come as a Trojan horse, and depend on the very people it would end up destroying to deploy it. Use their resources and energy, their time and labor, and in the end lead them to annihilation.

“It could, in fact, be a test,” he had said. “Give the foolish monkeys a gun, and see if they kill themselves. Gift or curse—it would be up to us. Could you let go of absolute power, even if you knew full well to hold on would kill you? But to let go would be to surrender everything you ever thought you wanted?”

Jon suddenly felt very cold. Had all their conversations been like that? Had everything they had talked about had some double meaning?

Crazy, Jon thought. It’s crazy. He’s crazy. Crazy old man. He was just a kook, that was all. A kook that had somehow had invented a portable holographic projector in his spare time and built it into the shape of a video cassette—

“Or what if some alien civilization, with all the best intentions, shared their advanced technology with cultures not prepared for the responsibility?” Bernhard’s head sighed. “It could seem wonderful. Or it could be like letting a five-year old drive his father’s Buick on a winding mountain road. Do you remember when we talked about lottery winners?”

Jon remember that, too. That conversation had stuck with him. At Jon’s house, they were always short of money. There were always things he wanted that they couldn’t get. They were always shopping at the thrift store. He had dreamed on more than one occasion of winning a sweepstakes or a lottery. He had thought of how their problems would be over. He had been amazed to learn from Dr. Bernhard that most lottery winners ended up in worse circumstances than they had been before they won the money, within five years of having won it. That many of them ended up declaring bankruptcy for the first time in their lives.

Bernhard had had stories, too. A woman living in a trailer park had won the lottery, and then bought the trailer park. She had evicted everybody she hadn’t liked and let only her friends stay. Three years later, she had declared bankruptcy, and lost the trailer park and her own trailer. A man had won a sweepstakes and sold his winnings, which were to be paid over fifteen years, to a financial company for a lump sum that was 60% of what he had won, just so he could have it all right then. He had bought a big house, a car, chartered a plane, lavished gifts on several women and ended up declaring bankruptcy less than two years from the day he collected his check. Additionally, he had burned a lot of bridges in his former circle of colleagues and friends, and had found it impossible to get a job, or find anybody to help him.

“It’s an important lesson,” Bernhard had said. “Sometimes there are shortcuts to the benefits of life. Money, career success, relationships. But there are rarely shortcuts to the responsibility and maturity it takes to cope with them. Successful business people who are hated by their families—what have they won? The handsome fellow that you probably have a class with in school, that all the girls love, who seems to have it so easy—five years from now, when he’s pumping gas and paying child support, what has he won? The drug addict—what are drugs but a shortcut to pleasure? And when addiction has destroyed the addict’s career and relationships, yet he still cannot—or will not—give it up, what does he really have?” Bernhard had shaken his head ruefully. “Great success can be an ugly thing, Jon. A very ugly thing.”

“—but eventually, a connection will be made. We have to expect it,” the luminous, floating head of Dr. Bernhard was saying. Jon had gotten distracted by his memory, trying to put the pieces together. An object of great power. Of advanced technology. Might be a cleverly disguised doomsday device. And it was in Jon’s possession. And someone was going to figure it out. And come after him.

“So you will need to take the object and start moving. I’m not going to tell you where. I cannot tell you how long. Unless you surrender—and you might want to, in the end. Or even the beginning; I know that is a possibility. I just hope you will do the right thing.

“And I may be wrong. If you turn the item back over to the government, it might take months and years or even decades before anything happens. You might be old and gray like me before it all ends. Who knows, I might be wrong. People have been predicting the end of the world since the beginning of recorded history, if not before. Though, I must say, I don’t think any previous doomsayers were faced with anything quite like this.” Again, the smirk. Jon found himself wishing he had never, ever met Dr. Bernhard.

“I have done a lot with the item, but there is much I haven’t. You may discover something I have not. A way to securely and definitively dispose of it, perhaps. If you do, I suggest you get rid of it. I think you can.” Again, he looked away. “I am ashamed to admit it, but I don’t think I could. There is too much promise. Too much potential. It would be like having won a million dollars and throwing a match on it—even though you knew your life would probably be destroyed if you did not. It might be impossible to do. You might talk yourself out of it. Bargain with yourself. Rationalize. I have already done that.” The head chuckled. Chuckled.

Jon was appalled. The old coot was insane. Insane, and casually condemning Jon to a life on the run from the government and God only knew who or what else with some sort of technology bomb.

“I stole it from people I felt would not be good stewards of its power. Who I felt, even with the best intentions, would end up destroying us all. As it turns out, I’m not sure I’m a much better steward. But I believe that’s why it is in your hands now, Jon. I believe you came into my life for a reason. And this is it.”

Jon just stared at the head, afraid of what was going to come next. Oh, by the way, this tape is going to blow up for your safety, I think you’ll understand why I had to blow off your arms—

“I think you should have some time, as I said, but I cannot tell you how much. First, you need to find the item. Think about it, and I’m sure you will. Next, I have prepared a package for you. It is in a locker somewhere. If you think, you will know where, and what number. There is a small slot, if you look, in the front of the video cassette you are holding. Insert two quarters in it.”
Jon blinked. Dr. Bernhard’s head floated, frozen in miniature, over the tape, waiting. Jon felt as if he had been asked to insert a quarter for another three minutes. Insert quarters? What the hell? He searched his pockets and came up with one quarter and some nickels and pennies. He put in the one quarter, touching it to the thin slit on the front of the video cassette, and it disappeared with an unpleasant sucking sound.

Jon then stood up. It hurt; he had been crouching by the kitchen door for almost ten minutes now, and he’d gone stiff. Still keeping one hand on the video cassette, he fumbled around in the kitchen drawer beside the dish washer. There was a little dish with change in it, and, sure enough, another quarter. He took the other quarter and pressed it to the slot, it disappeared with same noise. The tape vibrated briefly in his hand, and then an object emerged from the slot.

“Take the key,” Dr. Bernhard continued.

Jon removed the key from the slot. He could barely make out a crude impression of George Washington. Like the Penny Press at the Knoxville Zoo (which would turn out an elongated penny with an angry gorilla embossed on one side), it appeared the video cassette had stamped his quarters into the shape of a key.

“That goes to the locker,” the head explained. “I think you know where.”

Jon thought he did, too, but that could wait.

“A word of warning—the package in the locker is keyed to you. As is the item. As is the tape. However, I could only anticipate so much. Exercise caution in the presence of others. The key serves another purpose, as well, but use it cautiously. This message will not be activated without you touching the tape, and was designed not to play with other people around—I did not know in what circumstances you might be opening this package. While not foolproof, I believe the mechanism I devised was close enough for government work.” The head smirked again. The old asshole thought all this was funny. “The slot you put the quarters through—it will always be there, though difficult to see. To play this message with somebody else, press the key to the slot—you will have to keep holding it—and it will play even with others around. However, it is keyed to your fingerprints and will never play without you.”

His fingerprints. Jon suddenly remembered being over at Dr. Bernhard’s house, watching a movie on his BetaMax—still quite a novel thing, to Jon, who didn’t even have cable, to watch a movie whenever you wanted to—and Dr. Bernhard had asked him if he had wanted a drink. Jon had said yes, a Coke would be great, and Bernhard had come back with a black glass and handed it to him. Jon had taken it, and then looked inside it. The glass had been empty. Bernhard apologized, and immediately snatched the glass back, holding it at the rim between thumb and forefinger, and returned a moment later with a glass filled with Coke and ice, only this was a blue glass. Not black.

Jon shook his head. Bernhard had been lifting Jon’s fingerprints. How many other stunts like that had the old man pulled?

“The package I’ve left for you contains more information. Additionally, I have had some time to develop a few things—the clever little gizmo you currently hold in your hand being but one example—that I hope may be of help to you.” As he described the video cassette as a clever little gizmo, Jon couldn’t help noticing that Bernhard looked quite pleased with himself. “As you have an opportunity, you may wish to study the item yourself and develop things as you need them to protect yourself, and the item. Until you can find a way to dispose of it. And, in the end, you must dispose of it. There will be no end of trouble unless you do.”

No end of trouble. Great, just great.

“Time is of the essence. I suggest you retrieve the package I have left for you as soon as possible. Take it and the object and get moving.” The head bent down, and then disappeared halfway up, as if he had been leaning to turn something off. Then, it came back into full view. “Another thing, Jon. Stay away from my house. They will be watching it, and there will be nothing for you there. Avoid airports and car rental—”

“Car rental?” Jon couldn’t help but ask, exasperated. “I don’t have a license! I don’t have any money! I’m not old enough to drive!”

The head ignored him. “Pay for everything in cash. Avoid using your real name at hotels and motels. Keep a lookout for strange people and strange cars. You might want to occasionally vary your style of dress and hair. Some of things I have provided should help you there. Be very careful who you involve. For their sake as well as your own. And be vary careful of how you use the item.”

The head bent forward, and there was a flash. The video cassette was just a video cassette, and Jon was standing by himself, in a dark kitchen, face sweating and legs trembling, holding an unmarked key pressed out of quarters in one hand, and the fairly normal looking video cassette in the other.

With the yellow cat ticking behind him, eyes moving back and forth comically as its yellow tail twitched, Jon just stood, alone in the kitchen, for almost ten minutes.

Finally, he went back to his bedroom. Placing the key on his dresser, he laid down on his bed, not knowing what to do. Not knowing what to believe. Megan snorted on the floor beside him. He looked down at her, and he only felt ill. What the hell had that old bastard gotten Jon into?

He turned over, looking away from Megan. Shit! What the hell was he going to do? How was he going to get out of this? Find the thing, figure out what it was, and maybe go drop it out in a dumpster at the mall? Go drive up into the mountains and drop it a mile into the woods? He’d have to get someone to drive him—

Oh, Lord. Jon felt nauseous. He turned over on his back, folded hands on his chest, and quietly started to pray.

A few moments later, he was asleep.